Therapy for Gay Men in Cincinnati
For the version of you that's been performing for as long as you can remember.
You've been performing a version of yourself for most of your life. The one that knew which voice to use at the dinner table. The one who learned what to say, what to laugh at, what to never let slip. The one who got good, really good, at reading the room before anyone in it knew you were even there.
That version of you kept you safe. It also cost you something.
If you're tired of the masks, the perfectionism, the people-pleasing, the numbing, the dating apps that promise everything and deliver loneliness, you're in the right place. This is therapy for gay men who are ready to stop performing and actually feel something real.
Why Therapy for Gay Men Is Different
A good therapist can help anyone. An affirming therapist is a baseline, not a specialty. But there's a difference between a therapist who doesn't pathologize being gay and a therapist who actually understands what it's like to grow up gay, and what that does to a person.
Gay men carry specific wounds. Most of them started early.
Growing up closeted, learning before you had words for it that who you are is something to hide. Internalizing shame about your own desire so deeply that even now, in a relationship you chose, in a life you built, something still flinches. Navigating masculinity in a culture that punishes you for being a man the wrong way and then punishes you again for not being one enough. Coming of age in apps and hookup culture that confused you about your own worth. Wondering, sometimes, if the version of you that finally got out is even the version of you that you wanted to be.
A general therapist may be affirming and still miss these layers. The work that actually changes things goes deeper than affirmation. It goes into the specific architecture of what your nervous system built to survive being a closeted kid, and what it would take to dismantle the parts that no longer serve you.
What We Work With
Therapy for gay men at Lumenso isn't a single issue. It's a whole landscape, and most clients arrive carrying several of these at once:
If any of this resonates, the work we do here is designed for it. Not adapted for it. Designed for it.
Our Approach
We don't believe in a one-size-fits-all model, and we don't believe gay men's therapy is just regular therapy with the pronouns changed. The modalities we use are chosen because they work for the specific kind of layered, internalized, often-invisible material that gay men bring into the room.
Internal Family Systems (IFS): IFS is uniquely powerful for this work. The parts of you that developed to survive a closeted childhood, the performer who learned to be charming, the people-pleaser who learned to disappear, the inner critic who learned to find what's wrong with you before anyone else could, are not flaws. They're protectors. They kept a younger version of you safe in a world that wasn't. IFS helps you meet these parts with compassion rather than fighting them, and underneath them, find the parts that have been waiting for you to come back.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Shame doesn't usually come from nowhere. It comes from specific moments, the comment at the family dinner, the laughter in the locker room, the rejection that took the wind out of you, the first time you understood what people like you were called. EMDR helps your nervous system process those moments so they stop firing in the present, so the old wounds stop running today's relationships, today's body image, today's worth.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): ACT helps you stop waiting until you've fully healed to start living. It teaches you to move toward what matters to you, intimacy, integrity, creative work, real connection, even when the old voices are still there.
Mindfulness: Practical mindfulness that strengthens your capacity to be present in your own body, in your own feelings, in your own life, without numbing out, scrolling out, or performing your way through it.
The plan we build together depends on what you bring. Some clients start with present-day stabilization. Others go straight into the early material. Either is right. The work meets you where you are.
Who This Work Is For
Gay men in Cincinnati and virtually across Ohio and Kentucky who want a therapist who actually gets it.
Specifically, this work fits if:
You've been in therapy before with affirming therapists and felt like something was still being missed. You're early in coming out and want support that understands what you're navigating. You came out years or decades ago and are starting to unpack what those years cost you. You're successful and high-functioning on the outside and exhausted, lonely, or stuck on the inside. You're tired of the same dating patterns, the same disappointments, the same cycle of hope and burnout. You're working through religious trauma, family rupture, or a faith community you lost when you came out. You want to do real work on shame, internalized homophobia, or self-worth, not just talk about it. You're not in crisis, but you know there's more underneath, and you're ready to look at it.
You don't need a diagnosis. You don't need to know exactly what's wrong. You just need to be ready for something to feel different.
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The voice that says some part of you is still wrong, even when your conscious mind knows better. The flinch you can't fully name.
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The need to be exceptional, the high achievement that came from learning early that approval had conditions. Looking great on paper and exhausted underneath.
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The specific brutality of gay men's body standards. The mirror that's never satisfied. The relationship with food, the gym, the bathroom scale that started as discipline and became something else.
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The drinking that started as a way to be in your body around other men. The party drugs that made connection feel possible. The line between Friday night and a problem that's harder to see when everyone around you is doing the same thing.
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The cycle of intensity and disappointment. The avoidance dressed up as standards. The pattern of choosing partners who can't actually meet you. The loneliness that doesn't go away even in a relationship.
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The early ruptures, in family, in friendship, in love, that shaped how close you let people get, and how quickly you leave when they get closer than you can stand.
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The clients in their twenties just starting to tell people. The clients in their forties or fifties unpacking decades of a different life. The truth is, coming out is rarely a single event. It's a series of conversations and identity shifts that keep happening, sometimes for years.
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The unique loneliness of being out, having community on paper, and still feeling like no one really knows you.
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The God you were taught would not love this version of you. The faith you lost, or the one you're still trying to hold onto, and what it cost to leave or stay.
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The relationship with sex that feels out of your control, or shameful, or disconnected from the rest of who you are. The work of integrating sex into a life rather than splitting it off from one.
What to Expect
Your first session is a conversation, not an assessment. We'll talk about what brought you here, the patterns you've noticed, the relationships that have shaped you, what you're hoping for. There's no homework on day one. No diagnosis. No requirement that you have it figured out.
From there, we build a plan together. Some clients start by mapping the patterns and getting curious about where they came from. Others go straight into the early experiences that formed the attachment style. Some weave in current relationship work as it comes up. The pace is yours.
Sessions are available in-office at our Cincinnati location or virtually across Ohio and Kentucky.
Drew Simri, LPCC-S, LICDC-CS
Frequently Asked Questions
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Affirming is a baseline. It means a therapist won't pathologize who you are. That matters, but it isn't the same as understanding the specific landscape gay men navigate, the internalized shame, the body culture, the coming-out work, the dating patterns, the religious wounds. A therapist who has clinical specialization in this work goes deeper than affirmation. For many clients, that depth is what makes the work actually change something.
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That's common, and the work still fits. Plenty of clients come in for anxiety, relationship patterns, self-esteem, or career burnout, and being gay is part of the context but not the presenting issue. Working with a therapist who understands gay men's experience means you don't have to explain or translate the background. You can spend the session actually working on what brought you in.
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Yes. Everything you share in therapy is confidential, protected by law, and held with care. Confidentiality applies regardless of what you're working through, what you disclose about your relationships, your identity, your sexual health, or your past. The only legal exceptions to confidentiality are very narrow (imminent risk of harm to self or others, or suspected abuse of a minor or vulnerable adult) and Drew will walk you through them clearly in your first session.
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This is individual therapy. The focus is you, your history, your patterns, what you bring to relationships, not the current relationship itself. Many clients do this work whether they're single, dating, or partnered. If you and a partner are looking for couples-specific therapy, that's a different format and Drew can help point you in the right direction.
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It depends on you, what you're working through, and how deep you want to go. Some clients begin to feel meaningful shifts in a few months. Others, especially those working with early shame, religious trauma, or attachment wounds, choose to go deeper over a longer arc. We check in regularly and adjust together.
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Individual sessions at Lumenso Wellness range from $150 to $175 depending on your provider. We are an out-of-network practice and can provide a superbill for you to submit to your insurance for potential reimbursement. For more details, visit our Rates and Payment page.
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We are out-of-network with all insurance providers. Many clients receive partial reimbursement through their insurance's out-of-network benefits. We are happy to provide a superbill so you can pursue reimbursement directly with your insurer.
Ready to stop performing?
You've been doing the version of yourself that gets approval for a long time. You don't have to keep doing it in here. The work from here is meeting the parts of you that have been waiting, and building a life that actually feels like yours.